doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
