dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
