Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
