I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
