yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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