Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
