scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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