My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
