Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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