remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
