mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
