Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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