he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
