I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
