you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
