Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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