Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
