Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
