well I can't set my house on fire every night
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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