I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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