He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
