I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My ass is underappreciated
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
