I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So many bounce houses so little time
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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