if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
