Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
