I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
