I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
