I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Holy sore nipples Batman
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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