He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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