i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
