You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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