He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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