I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
