I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
