I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
