Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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