I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
