I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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