you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
