WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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