Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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