I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
