is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
