i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
my liver is dry heaving
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
