while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
