I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
