How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
