I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize