just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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