mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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