I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
