so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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