woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
