My pussy is not your playground.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
