The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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