I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
