Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
