Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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