i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
