hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
