Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize