FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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